Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
