Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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