You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
