So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
