i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
