I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
