Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
