I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
