thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
