Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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