If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
