I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
