Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
