My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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