Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
