you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am one with the molecules
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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