i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
