nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
