he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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