she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
