I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
