the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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