A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
