I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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