She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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