So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
