I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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