my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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