i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
