i think i have two assholes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
