I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
