I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
