I just cut my nipple shaving
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
