I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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