Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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