So drunk its hurt
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The best revenge is premature balding
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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