It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
