Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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