its not stalking. its research.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
