her vagine was all disorganized.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
