Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
