my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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