So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
