Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
