You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the condom got lost in my hair
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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