So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
