How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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