conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
