If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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