I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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