you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
