Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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