I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
