GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
