well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
